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May the force--I mean PEACE be with you.

This is my church. I went there for the first time in...5 years--today.

I should start by saying, I'm definitely not the religious type. I usually avoid church at all costs, but I figured that I was due for my once-a-year Mass. I was baptised and raised Catholic, but we kind of dropped out of CCD when we moved because the church was far from our new house. Mom always threatens me that she's going to enroll me in confirmation class with all the eighth graders, but she's never actually gone through with it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not afraid of/generally dislike going to church. It's just that praying, and being all spiritual with people all around me--I dunno, it weirds me out a little bit. And not to mention, saying all that "I am not worthy" gospel spit makes me feel small and insignificant. Maybe it's supposed to. I think of myself as more...Agnostic. We don't really know if God exists. Sure, I'll pray to Him in my bedroom, before a math test, or when I'm in a pinch, but the whole thing just...throws me off. *Shrug*

The experience today was weird, to say the least. I woke up at 11:30 and when my family found out that I was going to church, they looked at me like I was an alien from outer space, in my teal capris and glittery black shirt and netted sandals. My dad drove me over to the church where I met my grandmother and cousin. First, I forgot to bless myself when I walked in (AKA the Father, Son, Holy spirit type stuff). Then the entire time, I kept either staring at the [very] graphic stained-glass windows & stations of the cross hovering on the wall over my head, or consulting my missile for whatever Father Tcheou was saying. Those damn things are like a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. "Sit, kneel, stand, page 197, song 493, back to page 199, look for July 29th." If you choose to be damned, turn to page 536! It was a mess. Or shall I say, I was a mess. My grandma knew exactly where to read, when to stand, sit, sing.

When it was time to approach the altar and get the little piece of paper/bread, my mom-mom stayed back because she said that she hadn't been to confession that week. I gave her a look. That week?!? She nudged me to go get communion--if I still remembered how. My jaw kind of dropped open at this point, because I hadn't been to confession in all of...what, 6 years?!? I was MOST DEFINITELY ineligible for communion that week. She just gave me a look then, and whispered, "Shame on you!"

On the way out, I remembered to bless myself. Except I did the cross thing backwards, and slopped a good mess of holy water on myself. Maybe that was a sign from God. *Snicker*

Comments

Emma said…
Your church is beautiful! I'm not religious either, in fact I'm more than half Jewish so I obviously don't go to church much, but I appreciate the beauty of religion. It's just not for me.
July 29, 2007 at 4:11:00 PM EDT
alexa said…
Yeah...my church is like 2nd to St. Pat's in NY for beauty on the East Coast or something like that.
July 29, 2007 at 4:24:00 PM EDT
SalGal said…
It's hard for me to relate to the non-churchgoer's experience. I was born & raised LDS and have always been pretty active. Since it's been part of me my whole life, I don't understand why people don't want something like that in theirs, whatever church or belief system it may be.

Anyway... glad you had an ok weekend!
July 30, 2007 at 12:53:00 PM EDT
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